i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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