had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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