i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
