Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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