hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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