She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
