no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize