obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
