no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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