Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
