enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize