sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
