i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
