Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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