when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
