No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
