I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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