how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
