im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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