He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So squirting runs in the family.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
