Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize