thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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