do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
