I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
