I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
