I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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