hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
