My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
