I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize