Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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