Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
