the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
