Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
