dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
