Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
