clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
