He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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