I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have aggressive nipples.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize