i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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