Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize