we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
