How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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