Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
