So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
