I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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