this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
