yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
