Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
