U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
