Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
