I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
