if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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