I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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