I think I am morally bankrupt
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
