He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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