You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
