I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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