I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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