My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
one might say we're banned from that church
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
