Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
