i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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