Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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