what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
