No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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