i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
