areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
