Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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