Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
