this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
