you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
