Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
