I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
