i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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