the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize