So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
