I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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