i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
