She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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