no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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