Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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