woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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