IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
