RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
