Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
