the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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