he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
