Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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