Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize