I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
