you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
