its not stalking. its research.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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