you're like a bully in the Christmas story
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize