I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
