Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
only you would photoshop your dick
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
