I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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