I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
