Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
