I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
