So drunk its hurt
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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