i don't like sucking hair
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
