I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
