i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
tell me about the eggs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
