can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
