I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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