at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
