She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
