Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
