that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
