She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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