I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
