Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
